"You complete me.”
Remember that line? It was from the movie Jerry McGuire, a story about a sports agent who was fired after expressing his opinions about the hypocrisy rampant in his chosen career field. The irony is that Jerry was the biggest culprit of this behavior. He was the one that all the other agents tried to emulate. That was because on the outside, he had it all – a great job that had him traveling all over the world and rubbing elbows with the “who’s-who” of the sports world. He had a beautiful fiancé, great wealth, an excellent reputation in his career and the admiration of his peers. From the outside looking in, he was living the dream.
And then it happened.
Jerry had a crisis of conscious. One night, as he sat alone in a hotel room, he had a breakdown – or perhaps a breakthrough depending on how you look at it. Jerry realized that while his chosen career had brought a lot to his 30-something lifestyle, there was something missing in his life. He knew there had to be more to his life than what he was doing. He wanted to believe he could use his profession to make a positive impact on the world. Feeling this great disparity between where he was at and where he should be, Jerry created a manifesto of sorts, mass produced copies and shared it with everyone attending the conference.
Let’s just say, it wasn’t as well-received as Jerry had expected it to be.
Within a very short period of time, Jerry lost his clients, was fired by his agency, and dumped by his materialistic and shallow fiancé. All Jerry thought he knew about himself, his lifestyle, his friends, and his career disappeared. It was Jerry – alone against the world.
You think his crisis of conscious was a challenge before this? Guess what it was like after- when he was caste out from his safe and familiar niche and into a cold and lonely world, naked and afraid. Jerry now had to come to terms with who he really was, and learn how he fit into a world that did not share his ideals. He struggled unsuccessfully for quite a while to identify his path. He floundered because he refused to become the person he knew he should be. He thought it was easier to go back to what he knew. Instead of going forward, he straddled the fence between the life that was familiar and the life he knew deep in his soul he was supposed to lead.
Eventually, Jerry did begin to walk-his-walk, and talk-his-talk. His “Come-to-Jesus” moment happened when he decided to become the sports agent about whom he wrote his mission statement. It was a painful evolution and there were a lot of bumps and bruises along the way. However, the movie does end happily ever after when Jerry was able to establish a sports management agency true to his beliefs, and eventually win the love of a supportive woman who shared his dreams.
This leads us to the famous line near the end of the story, “You complete me.” It happened when Jerry realized the very thing he really wanted in life had been there all along –waiting to be recognized and appreciated. Although Jerry says this to his wife, Dorothy Boyd, in an attempt to convince her to take him back, you can’t help but see that Jerry himself had finally come into his own. The epiphany that started that night in the hotel room with the manifesto had finally manifested itself on earth. It was no longer an idea. It became the reality of his life, and Jerry became the person he was supposed to be. When he filled in the missing pieces of his own puzzle, Jerry was able to develop self-love which led him to the love of Dorothy. Her love was merely a reflection of his self love.
And therein lies the big secret of the Lover’s Tarot card. When this card arrives in a spread it will often signal a significant romantic relationship. This is a relationship that shows deep love, commitment and connection between the partners. This is the kind of love for which everyone yearns.
However, what people don’t realize is that if you want that deep “once-in-a-lifetime” kind-of love, you need to first give it to yourself. You need to complete yourself before anyone can complete you. Think about it. If you go into a relationship with “holes” in your being, then you will look to the other person to fill them. This is not only unfair to everyone involved, it is damaging to the other person. If you don’t love yourself enough, from where will the other person get the energy to fill your holes? By expecting them to complete you, you are taking away from their essence. You will suck the love from them without returning a healthy love in return.
This may be an unpopular statement that annoys people, but it is true.
The only way you can hope to ever have a “complete” relationship with another is to have a complete relationship with yourself. Read that line again!
To be part of a healthy union, you must be comfortable with who you are. You must enjoy your own company. You must have your own interests, and believe your own truths. That is the only way you will attract people who share the healthy patterns you desire in your life.
Your other option is to live an existence like Jerry had at the beginning of the movie –nice on the outside and hollow on the inside. While that may seem okay for a while, it gets old quick. You realize the questionable people around you are merely a reflection of the relationship you are choosing to have with yourself, and it becomes impossible to look at yourself in the mirror when you know the biggest betrayal in your life is the one you are choosing to inflict on your true self.